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Tuesday, August 22, 2006



1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments
create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens
are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands
of Iran or Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms
driving SUV's.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders
how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but PETA
activists do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually
doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own
money to make "The Passion of the Christ" for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts
of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee,
and Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag queens
and transvestites should be constitutionally protected, and manger
scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
18. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast,
right-wing conspiracy.


Blogger Carol said...

Hey Bob,

Glad to see you're still kicking.I laffed when I read these, although the only one I probably do agree with is #11, given Mel's recent troubles.

Gee - I might have to turn in my Good Liberal club card.. Guess I'm not as liberal as I thought!

Good post.

9:41 AM  
Blogger shoprat said...

Maybe it is part of vast right-wing conspiracy. What is wrong with that?

2:12 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

I guess I'm a Bad Liberal. How to be a Good Conservative: believe in protecting innocent life, except if it's in countries we want to bomb; believe in causing the unborn to be born, and then cutting all social programs to help them thrive; believe that gays are a threat to traditional marriage, but a married guy going out drinking with other women at 2 a.m. is a hero... :)

6:53 PM  
Blogger Lone Pony said...

Excellent! I hadn't seen most of these!

8:37 PM  
Blogger LargeBill said...


I think you are a little confused about conservatives. Good conservatives believe in self determination. If you choose to get knocked up or knock someone else up you have created human life and should treat the child decently. No decent person expects others to care for their child. However, if a child is born to parents who refuse to care for it any decent person would step to the plate and care for that child. I hope that is not a conservative only mindset. Though I understand that liberals like to think that "government" will do what regular folks ought to do. Guess what? Government is nothing but all of us collectively. As far as your confusion about gays and straights, no one who is really married is out at any hour with some broad who is not his wife. Infidelity at 2 in the afternoon is no different from 2 in the morning.

10:21 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

Largebill, the problem is that some people DON'T care properly for their children and no one "steps up," which is the whole point of gov't programs. What should we do with kids in foster care--throw them out on the street? And what about protecting innocent life in other countries--some of the people we bomb are pregnant women. You didn't address that one.

So Mel Gibson isn't really married? I was talking about him, you realize.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Crazy Politico said...

Paula, wouldn't that make Bill Clinton the great conservative? He bombed Kosvo, Bosnia, Iraq and Iran. He also didn't allow ANY federal funding of (embryonic) stem cell research, reformed welfare so millions are no longer on it, and claimed abortion should be a rarity.

8:34 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

Clinton sure wasn't a liberal, CP, he was in the middle, which is why I liked him--until the perjury.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Little Miss Chatterbox said...

I've seen these before and they are classic!!!!!!!!

12:44 AM  

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