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Monday, December 12, 2005

Handicapping the Race for Bush

As I was sitting around this morning reading the sports I started wondering, what does Reggie Bush think about his probable status as the first pick in the NFL draft come April?

The NFL, to try and keep everyone at an equal level of mediocrity so the games should be exciting every week, allows the worst teams to pick at the top of the draft, hopefully getting the best talent.

So, today, in the middle of finals week at USC, I imagine Reggie, between classes, was reading the sports section, trying to figure out what will happen to him in April. Through my amazing channeling abilities, and sarcastic nature, I'm going to try an let you the reader know what Reggie thinks of the top 5 teams in the race to get him. (As of this morning)

5. New Orleans Saints, 3-9. Geez, these guys don't have a home, they split games between Louisiana and west Texas. No matter how much talent they have they always find a way to not make the playoffs. I hope they win out, and don't trade all their draft picks for me like they did Ricky Williams. I mean, it's no wonder the dude started smokin' weed, "No pressure Ricky, we only gave up EIGHT picks for you!"

4. NY Jets, 3-10. Brooks who is their quarterback? They've got two other ones, and between them they have one good shoulder. I hope they fall a little in the pecking order, I like Matt Leinert and everything, but he'd be better there. Sorry about your future shoulder injuries bud.

3. Green Bay Packers, 3-10. Green Bay, it was 10 fucking degrees when they played last night for god sake. But at least they try to win, and have a decent QB, and some talent at receiver. I'd probably win a bunch of games, but 10 fucking degrees! Win a couple more please.

2. San Francisco 49er's, 2-11. I'd be the feature of the offense, because they don't have real good receivers, and the QBs are all young. But they haven't got much of a line either, so it would be tough to run. Lot of history, but that's been tossed out the window. Last time I visited up there my ass got grabbed by a cross dresser on Fisherman's Wharf... Nah, that was too freaky.

1. Houston Texans, 1-12. Please, if there is a God, let them win their last three games. That offensive line has more holes to fill than Paris Hilton after a bottle of merlot! Ali took less hits in Manila than Carr does when he plays the Saints.

So, when it comes down to it, Reggie Bush does have a wish for April, "Maybe I can convince the Patriots to trade all of their picks to take me, if that doesn't work out, I'll try baseball, it worked for Bo Jackson."

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4Comments:

Blogger Lone Pony said...

Ohhhhhhhhh CP, you have me laughing so hard AGAIN. Between this and your "binary" humor, it looks like you are in rare form tonight! Next time I have a party, will you come? You'd be the life of.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Maricopa Mark said...

"between classes" -- Oh, that's a good one.

8:47 PM  
Blogger Crazy Politico said...

LP, as long as I don't have to drive to Missouri for the party, I'll be there.

MM, He is actually a decent student, 3.1 GPA I think. Pete Carroll graduates a pretty good percentage of his athletes. One of his players last years said that because he can speak directly of the NFL, and their chances of getting there (slim), the teams takes his advice on academics more seriously than they might other coaches.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Steven Tucker said...

That was hysterical. However, I think he'd have to be pulling for the 49'ers. California crowd, legendary franchise and a franshise willing to do what is necessary to get back on top. We'll see. Alex Smith & Reggie Bush. :) Well, such talent hasn't done much for Arizona... but you never know.

10:23 AM  

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